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Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
My cat just chewed through one of my expensive pairs of underwear and I called her a bitch so I think it's time to go to bed now. οΈ
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Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
So blessed that my merch creates opportunities for shirt companies to ship boxes labeled like this to comedy clubs pic.twitter.com/pEMGUhtIfR
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Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
@anylaurie16 your line last night to the couples, "love dies but children live" KILLED me. So brilliant
Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
On a train from NYC to DC I keep demanding chocolate frogs from the train attendant. She is not amused. #HogwartsExpress
Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
Shoutout to all the people typing "Happy Father's Day" into Google right now to see if there's an apostrophe in "fathers." I see you.
Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
Got sushi to go & they forgot to pack chopsticks so I had to eat w my hands & now they smell like they've been inside a young lady all day
Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
This looks like I'm giving you all a big, bosom-y hug Come see me open for Jim Norton tomor⦠instagram.com/p/BF2zD46ulCR/
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Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
I cracked one egg and two yolks came out. Am I about to eat a chicken's twins?? Suddenly I feel like a monster. pic.twitter.com/PYFYFRWxIx
Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
Just gave my cats a bunch of catnip because they, too, deserve to be high AF on 4/20. οΈ
Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
Woah @KelseyCook pic.twitter.com/RdRirmGHod
Retweet of status by @seancsloan
Kelsey Cook
@KelseyCook
@chazgoss haha thank you so much!
...but wait! There's more!
78.
fakhright
@fakhright
astaghfirullah peng.krim guaaaaaaaa..............a *salto sambil solat*
